Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: Day 5

Chloe woke up at 2:30 AM and 4:30 AM again after a weekend of not waking up until 5 or 6 AM. Woe is me. I'm starting this morning groggy and making my cup of coffee right away instead of waiting the usual hour or so to make it.

There was a small miscommunication and Jhey was just on vacation last week, not his paternity leave so I'm planning to work two half days and (hopefully) one full day this week, pulling from my rolled over vacation hours.

I have meetings from 9:00 AM to 11:30 and need to post some socials for the Web Engines Hackfest. I run my first project meeting with 0 context as to what is happening and need to revisit it later.

After my meetings Chloe is ready to be put down for a nap, and I take over her care so Jhey can go to the gym but we end up talking for about an hour.

I feel heavy today and a bit lost. It feels like an identity crisis. It's part of the reason I went and got tattooed over the weekend. Tattoos have become a ritual or way of saying, this body is mine, this art represents me. I'm still in there somewhere.

Chloe combined with my return to work has prompted questions of my purpose in this life. I am not religious but I am spiritual in a "choose your own adventure way". Is the work I'm doing meaningful? Does it align with my values? Am I in a privileged position that I can even question how I spend my time?

I still care deeply about the Web Platform and the Web, but I think AI's prevalence is also contributing to some of this questioning and what does it mean to fight for an open web in this era? Questions I don't have answers for yet.

After Jhey leaves and Chloe is still napping, I start posting the talks for the Hackfest and "finish" my day while receiving a grocery delivery. Having groceries delivered has changed my life. (I hated going to the grocery store while pregnant because so many people would be in my personal space and just reach past me instead of saying "excuse me". I started ordering groceries online and it has been a game changer.)

Even though I have finished my tasks for the day, I am still reachable on Matrix and continue to check in just in case anyone needs anything from me but it is still a week of ramping back up and getting into old routines. Tomorrow we'll figure out what projects I'll take back over.

After Chloe goes to bed, I make dinner, stir fry cabbage and pork in fish sauce butter. NYT Cooking never lets me down. Last week I completed my meal plan and stuck to it. Four consecutive days of making dinner -- I felt like super woman. Friday night was for Deliveroo. Hell yes mama.

My schedule this week is a little less demanding because there's no barre on Tuesday and my therapist had to cancel our appointment on Thursday. It's okay though because even though I'm using some vacation to care for Chloe this week, it's stressful trying to hand her off back and forth between Jhey and I so we can both attend the meetings we need to. Next week will be easier with childcare available. Thank goodness too, because it's Igalia Week, and even though I won't be in Spain, I'll be remote, my days will be packed.

Roll on week 2 of being a working mom.