A random man walks into my office and asks if I'm single...
It's almost a joke now, how I expect comments from men on my videos for work. When I go to check the comments, because I genuinely care about feedback or asks from developers, my heart sinks and my stomach drops when I see comments about my appearance or inquiries about my relationship status.
I cope by screenshotting these comments and sending them to friends to have a laugh out of something that otherwise genuinely pisses me off.
Commenting on my videos that I create FOR WORK with things like "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "You're so beautiful" is the equivalent of you stepping into my office to ask/tell me those things.
It's the equivalent of you invading my professional space with personal commentary. And it's unwelcome.
When I speak at conferences, it's because I enjoy speaking and teaching developers. Not to put myself out there to find a date.
When I record videos for work, it's because I'm excited to share about what the team has been working on. Not to field questions about my relationship status.
My appearance. My relationship status. My personal life. None of this has anything to do with what I do what I do for work. So stop asking in the comments on my work videos.
The hardest part of all of this is when I get these comments, it reduces me to nothing more than my relationship status. Or my looks. I don't want to know that you think I'm good looking when I'm delivering a talk. I care about what you think about the technical content. I do not care about what you think about my appearance.
My work life is not my dating life.
As my friend Chris Wilson so eloquently put it:
I think that’s the problem; it’s not really a “rain fire down upon them” problem, but a “wtf is wrong with you that you’re confusing tech video comments with Tinder?” kinda problem.— Chris Wilson (@cwilso) November 14, 2021
I don't speak for all women. But I do know many of them in tech are tired about the comments on their appearance. The comments they get on their videos that have nothing to do with the content.
We are more than our looks. We are more than our availability for a date.
Stop leaving comments on our professional work reducing us to these things.